How To Tell Your Family You’re Eloping

So you decided to elope?! Congratulations! You’ve now taken the first step towards creating your intentional, authentic wedding experience. With your decision made, the next question you may be facing is ‘how do I tell my family that I’m eloping?’

Sharing your elopement plans with your family may bring about some anxiety, and that’s totally understandable! Because family dynamics are highly unique, there’s really no one-size-fits-all approach to sharing your news. While some loved ones may fully support your decision, others may struggle to come to terms with your plans. Nevertheless, it’s essential to remember that this is your day, and your happiness should be top priority. So, read on for all the need-to-know tips for sharing your exciting news with your family. 

Should You Tell Your Family About Your Elopement Before or After?

Tips and Ideas for How to Tell Your Family You’re Eloping

Tips to Deal with Backlash and Concerns

Should You Tell Your Family About Your Elopement Before or After?

Each person’s loved ones will react differently to an elopement announcement. However, you know your loved ones best to understand how they might prefer to be informed about your plans and how they might react to your news. Here are some pros (+) and cons (-) to consider when deciding whether to tell your family before or after your elopement:

Telling Your Family Before You Elope:

(+) You can include your family in parts of your elopement day if you so choose. Whether you want their opinions while planning or would love for them to write you a letter to enjoy on your elopement day, if you tell your family beforehand, you have the opportunity to include them in meaningful ways. 

(+) There’s less burden of secrecy, allowing you to openly discuss your excitement and plans with your loved ones. Some may find it difficult to withhold such exciting news!

(+) You’re less likely to have loved ones hurt by the secrecy surrounding your elopement. By sharing your plans beforehand, you give your nearest and dearest the opportunity to come to terms with your plans and provide their support.

(-) You may face pressure and challenges to your boundaries if you tell your family you are eloping beforehand. They may meet you with discouragement, try to change your mind, or try to force their own ideas for your intimate wedding day.

Telling Your Family After You Elope:

(+) You won’t face pressure or challenges to your boundaries leading up to your elopement. This can be particularly beneficial if you anticipate resistance from certain family members or fear you may struggle to maintain your boundaries. 

(+) You can avoid any pre-wedding drama that may arise from differing opinions or expectations about your elopement day. If you fear others’ opinions may create a negative headspace for you during this exciting time, you may want to wait to share your elopement plans.

(-) Loved ones may feel hurt by the secrecy if they find out about your elopement after the fact. This can strain relationships and lead to feelings of exclusion or betrayal. 

Tips and Ideas for How to Tell Your Family You’re Eloping

Consider the Best Timing:

When it comes to telling your family about your elopement, it’s helpful to think about what timing might work best for your unique family dynamic.

If you plan to share your news after-the-fact, I recommend waiting until a day or two after your elopement. This prevents any immediate reactions from detracting from your celebration and excitement. Additionally, consider telling both sets of parents at the same time or in immediate succession. This approach ensures transparency and prevents any feelings of exclusion.

On the other hand, if you decide to inform your family before you elope, one unconventional option is to share your plans while keeping the date private and the details close to your heart. This helps you avoid pressure or feeling overwhelmed with texts or calls on your elopement day.

Another great strategy is to start hinting at your desire to elope or have an “intimate” or “unconventional” wedding early in your engagement. This gradual approach allows your family to understand how much you truly want it, appreciate the thought put into it, and accept your decision over time.

Make It Meaningful:

Whenever possible, opt for a face-to-face conversation to share your elopement plans with your family. This personal touch is often appreciated when delivering such significant news. Whether in person or through a video call, this direct interaction allows for immediate conversation, opening the platform for your family to ask questions and gain clarity.

Consider turning your announcement into a special occasion or gathering. Whether you invite your families for dinner or gather for cocktails or tea-time on Zoom, creating a meaningful setting can add significance to the moment. This can help set a positive tone and make your family feel included and valued in your decision-making process, despite any physical distance that may separate you.

Share Your Excitement:

Celebrate the joy of your upcoming marriage—it’s an incredibly exciting time! When sharing your elopement plans with your family make sure to also share your genuine excitement. The term “elope” may carry different connotations for different people due to its ever-evolving definition, so consider using alternative language such as “intimate wedding” or “nontraditional celebration” to communicate your decision.

Additionally, by openly displaying your enthusiasm and happiness, you may find that your excitement becomes contagious. When your family witnesses how genuinely thrilled and passionate you are about your elopement, they may gain a better understanding of just how much this means to you. Such openness can pave the way for deeper conversations and greater support from your loved ones as you embark on this epic journey together.

Ask Your Loved Ones if They’d Like to Be Involved: 

Consider asking your loved ones if they’d like to be involved in your elopement day if you so choose. Whether it’s helping you plan, writing letters for you to read on your special day, or even being present for part or all of your celebration, there are numerous ways your loved ones can show their support. Be sure to clearly communicate your preferences and expectations for others’ involvement, so that their inclusion aligns with your elopement day vision.

Throw a Post-Elopement Party:

Consider hosting a celebration with your loved ones after your elopement day. A post-elopement reception can provide an opportunity for your family to celebrate with you and form cherished memories while maintaining the intimacy of your elopement. 

Create an Elopement Photo Album:

Creating an elopement photo album is a wonderful way to share your elopement with your family. An album allows your loved ones to follow along with the story of your special day and feel connected to your intimate celebration. From the tiniest details to the most significant moments, they’ll have the chance to share in every bit of your experience.

Tips to Deal with Backlash and Concerns

When sharing the news of your elopement with your family, it’s important to recognize that everyone will react in their own way. However, if you encounter some less-than-supportive responses, there are healthy strategies you can use to address them confidently and effectively.

Take the High Road

First and foremost, never doubt your decision to elope. Your wedding day is about you and your partner, and only the two of you know what’s best for your journey. If some family members react negatively, it’s essential to maintain confidence in your decision and not let others’ reactions impact your happiness. While you can’t control how others feel, you can control how you respond.

Address concerns with empathy and understanding, emphasizing the significance of your decision for you and your partner. Try to address specific worries or disappointments by finding alternative solutions where possible. 

Remember, taking the high road in these situations not only preserves your own peace of mind but also reinforces the importance of your elopement decision to your loved ones.

Keep Firm on Your Boundaries:

If you decide to inform your family about your elopement beforehand, you may encounter resistance or attempts to persuade you to have a larger wedding. It’s important to remain firm in your vision and not allow others to sway your decision. By setting firm boundaries, you can listen to others’ suggestions respectfully and decline them gracefully, without feeling pressured or frustrated. Remember that your decision is valid and reflects what is best for you and your partner.

Maintain a Level Head:

This can be challenging, but it’s important to approach discussions about your elopement with a level head. Understand that some family members may feel caught off guard or struggle to process their emotions. Rather than becoming defensive, remember that you have little control over others’ reactions and emotional state.

Acknowledge others’ feelings while expressing your desire for their support and understanding. By validating their emotions, you help foster empathy and open communication that can lead to more constructive conversations and smoother resolutions.

Let’s Plan Your Dream Elopement

Navigating how to tell your family you’re eloping can be a complex and emotional process. However, by approaching others with empathy and honesty, you can navigate this journey with grace and understanding. Remember that, while reactions may vary, ultimately, your wedding day is about you and your partner, and your happiness should be the guiding force. Whether you choose to share your plans before or after your elopement, maintaining open dialogue and firm boundaries is key to fostering mutual understanding and support within your family.

As you go through this exciting chapter of your life, cherish the love and connection you share with your partner and loved ones. Your decision to elope is an authentic celebration of your bond and the beginning of a beautiful new adventure together. And when you’re ready to start creating your dream elopement day, get in touch.